Where Do You Carry Stress?
Posted: Wednesday, September 17, 2008
by Ann Golden Eglé
Golden Visions Success Coaching
Recently, a fascinating question was asked of high level managers at a business conference: "Do you feel it's appropriate to share your stress with your spouses?" When the heads began to nod, I knew it was a concern they all shared.
Each of us carries stress in different ways. Some carry it in our heads, never seeming to relax, always searching for that next solution, worrying constantly, never quite present and often distant. What are these folks missing when they don't invite others in?
And there are those of us who carry our stress externally. We make sure that everyone with in earshot knows how pressured we are. This burdensome sharing doesn't stop with coworkers; it continues to the gym, social situations and, of course, the spouse and family.
It is important to open up about the stresses of the day. Several keys exist to effectively release worry in a manner that will not tax your relationships. Here are five:
Permission: Always be sure you can share your stress with their permission. Respect that others have their bucket full. Ask them if they are willing to listen. Watch their reactions. Don't just make an assumption it's okay, even if you're in a casual situation.
Timing: If you come home each evening with a litany of your day's woes and your partner is equally stressed, what will this do to your relationship? Be sensitive to times of the day that are appropriate for such important interactions.
TMI: Know when enough is enough. In providing too much information, you loose the listener's interest and perhaps crucial feedback. Give minimal details, and then open the dialogue to questions, comments and opinions.
Venting: Some of us merely need to vent. If this is the case, say so. You may be done, relieved, and ready to move on while the receiver readies himself to problem solve and takes offense at not having the opportunity to do so.
Responsibility: Own your stress. It belongs to no one else. There are people and activities to help you deal with it, but in the end, you are the only one who can come up with the cure, be it physical, mental or spiritual.
In order to answer the question of "How much of my stress is appropriate to share with my spouse:": make sure you have their permission, be aware of the right timing, only tell what is important, specifically say that you are venting (if you are) and that you will find the solution, not them.
See what there is to learn about your stress this week. Ask for feedback in your previous sharing. It is too much? Not enough? Can you recognize the effects you face for sharing or not sharing appropriately? Watch those whom you respect. Ask them how they share their stress and with whom. There is much to learn in this area. If you want to be a successful business or corporate leader, learning to sharing stress appropriately is one part of your success.
Enjoy your discoveries and have an outstanding week.
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